Meena by Adesuwa Iluobe

• This my story (entry) for 2016 Etisalat Flash Fiction Award. The one I need your votes for :-). Please kindly click here to vote. PLEASE DO NOT OPEN THE LINK ON YOUR FACEBOOK BROWSER ELSE IT WILL NOT OPEN. 

MEENA

(copyright Adesuwa Iluobe 2016)

• “Two families will be visiting today” Mama told us after morning devotion.

I gagged myself as I sat between Jude and Koko, one of whom just farted. It smelled of stale egusi. “Maybe some of us who have been here for ages will be accepted today?” Mama’s eyes were on me as she walked out.

“Wear that dress I gave you! Do not say a word to them. Smile at whatever you are told and keep sitting! Perhaps you will be lucky this time,” she had told me last week.

Same day, a woman who came with her husband smiled at me saying “she is beautiful, come and sit close to me.” I eyed my cane, which was some meters from me, and looked at Mama whose eyes were now settled on the ceiling.

“Can she hear?”

“Yes. She suffered polio but is better now”

“Oh! Do you have any other kids?”

It became Koko’s lucky day.

Mama knocked a cup of transparent tea off my hand later that morning. “Silly girl all you know is food!”.

“Meena!” Koko pinched me out of oblivion. Everyone else had left the room… (PLEASE FOLLOW STEPS BELOW TO READ THE REST OF THE STORY AND TO VOTE)

 

Pleasee without your votes my story cannot move to the next stage.

HOW TO VOTE
Etisalat isn’t helping as the site isn’t so responsive, but here is how I and a few others liked my story –

1. Before anything 1st login into your Facebook through your browser NOT FB APP

2. Then go to https://prize.etisalat.com.ng/flash-fiction/voteall.php?id=1692 click the like button. It will prompt you to continue using your face book name, please click ‘CONTINUE!

3. It will take you back to my story’s page. Please keep clicking the like button till it counts your vote. If it prints you to try again please kindly do so.

I just tried and it worked using the steps above.

Thank you so much! 😘

PLEASE HELP ME! THANK YOU VERYYY MUCH AND KINDLY SHARE TO YOUR FAMILIES, FRIENDS, COLLEAGUES (EVERYONE).

THANK YOU AGAIN!

HOW TO WOO/TOAST A LADY

BY ADESUWA ILUOBE
1. Introduce yourself by your name only and then demand for hers, where she works, lives and her age in one breath. I term it being economical with words. Food is expensive, conserve energy.
2. Tell her she is beautiful and immediately verify why she almost always has make up on or why she doesn’t use make up often. Never criticize without first commending, that your commendation is false or a bait is not important.
3. During your first telephone conversation Immediately ask for her BBM pin, Whatsapp number. No time or money to waste. You have just a min to make that call else you could faint.
3. Call her only via Facebook or Whatsapp. I hear we are in recession.
4. Ask for a first date and suggest your house as destination and that you could cook together. Couples should be a team including strangers.
5. Call her twice and after two months remind her she has abandoned you and must have misplaced your number. Ladies can be careless.
6. While on a date keep quiet and allow her to lead the conversation, if not ask questions like ‘am I your kind of man?’. That’s all you need to know and when she tells you no immediately let her know she is a know-it-all snob. If she refuses to answer, she likes you and is doing shakara.

7. When she opens up about what she does, clasp your hands and say ‘Big girl!’ She will be happy with you.
8. Let her know from the start that you “hustle on the streets” will she “mind a poor man?”. She will appreciate your sincerity and look forward to poverty. Promising, focused men with prospects who do not necessarily term themselves poor and hustlers are insincere.
9. Ask her to explain what she does at work 10times in 3 days. It means you care and when she confides in you how intense work has been, kindly make it a point of duty to tell her “you are too busy these days” 20 times in 2 days . Never proffer intelligent advise, or ask to help or just try to understand what she is doing. Ladies don’t need such, we can only do so for you.
10. When she is out of data or credit just go AWOL.

vows by Adesuwa Iluobe

My son is autistic”.

Her words hung in the air like a stench. I tried to digest the import of what she had said for some seconds. To be honest I was not paying attention to her until she said those words. I was thinking about all the files piled up on my table and the couple who had left me about an hour ago. Their problem was that they had no problems at all. They have five lovely kids who were doing well, very good jobs and appeared to lack nothing. However, Mr. Husband needed a son and has recruited a mistress to bear him one culminating into a call for divorce by his wife. It was tough sitting through the session with them, all the while asking myself if family law was the only branch of law my brains could carry.

I shifted in my seat and studied the woman sitting in front of me closely. Suddenly, my office felt small. I always considered it to be lush and comforting but not today.

Mrs. Ofoluwa is a kind of person one would describe as calm and collected, not a hair out of place and to crown it all she is beautiful. She carried herself with poise, which was both sensual and overpowering; She was tall, ebony skinned, did her hair into a bun… I Snapped out of my reverie, grabbed my pen, wrote ‘autistic’ on my note pad and looked up at her raising my eye brows.

“I did not discover this until Timi was about sixteen months old when he was diagnosed to be suffering from Autism Spectrum Disorder” She sighed deeply and shifted her gaze to the calendar hanging on the wall. “There was something quirky about him. He hardly made eye contact and almost did not feel pain. He would hit his head continuously on the wall or any available surface, he did not respond to his name until you repeatedly called out to him. He could not walk or pronounce words, not even ‘Timi”. Soon the daycare center where I registered him with, to help care for him while I went to work started complaining about his behavior. I took him to another and another but it was the same story. It was embarrassing, so I resolved to home-school him but after hiring about three teachers to do this, I gave up. I resigned from my job so I could always be there for him. He did not get better, it was worse when he was upset. He could not express himself, he would throw things, hit people and yell!” she held her head.

 She returned her gaze to me, her eyes full of tears. I felt weak and glued to my chair. “Do you know what it kmeans to have a sick child who can not tell you what he is feeling?” She stood up and started pacing. “What did I not do? At first I was in shock and blamed myself for inflicting him with autism. I would cry and cry. Then I ran to God, Oh! I prayed!” She slammed my table with her palm without notice, my hand flew to my chest. She had this wild glare and she leaned towards me. With the way she looked, anything I said at that time could fetch me a slap so I looked down to the floor and folded my arms.

“I fasted and organized vigils for my son. I even allowed one of these white garment churches scrape his hair during one of the many prayer sessions. God did not answer me” She wailed. “I could not take him outside the house, because he could start his tantrums and people would stare down at me like I was a failure as a Mother. One woman once said I spoiled him and was a bad mother”.

She stood straight and folded her arms, “I was broken and vexed at God. Well, I picked up myself and started researching. The doctors said there was no cure for autism but that I could learn to help Timi to manage it. First, I joined other parents suffering same online and read every material I could lay my hands on about autism. Ha! Barrister I read. I learnt to care for him, placed him on a special diet and gathered that autistic children had huge amounts of iron in their blood. I sent his specimen to a hospital at India to find out how much iron he had in his system. It was quite high, but I drew strength from the Autistic community I joined and learnt a lot. With time, his iron levels dropped.  Timi started walking at three years old and said his first word when he was four. His first word was ‘Mummy’” tears flowed freely from her eyes. I walked to where she stood and wrapped my arms around her shoulder, I cried with her. We stood that way for a while, then I led her to the sofa at the corner of my office. She held my hands tightly.

 “In all of this Fola was never there” She looked bewildered

“Who is Fola?”

“my husband”

“He blamed me and even called me a witch! Yeh! emi? Me” She flung my hands aside and stood up again. “We swore for better for worse! In sickness and in health!” she was shouting now and beating her chest.

“Please…” I stood up spreading my arms.

She held out her hand at me, signaling me to stop talking. Her makeup was skewed, tears had mixed with mucus and was dribbling down her jaw. “What can you call what I went through all alone? What is the purpose of marriage!?” She sank to her knees

“I feel betrayed. Since Timi’s illness started, Fola changed. I cannot remember when he held Timi or called him ‘son’” She looked into oblivion, appearing to be very deep in thoughts as I searched for words to say.

MARRIED WOMEN STAY OFF SINGLE LADIES! BY Ella Enweonwu

“OMG! Bayo proposed!”

“It’s a lie!”

“Awwww!”

“Uuhhh!”

“Cute!”

“Lovely ring!”

“We should start planning and shopping!”

“There must be a bridal shower!”

 

And on and on it goes when one of your girlfriends gets hooked. Plans are made, asoebis are bought, the bridal shower is planned and everyone works hard to make the bride happy. Fast forward to one year after the wedding and the newly married now realises that she has nothing In common with her single friends, does not have time to hang out with them. After all, what is there to discuss with them? What do they know about marriage and how difficult it can be to manage a home? She cannot afford to have her husband snatched too! She has a new set of marriage problems which her single friends’ minds cannot comprehend.

Hey, before you prepare to bite my head off I will tell you that I have married friends who are cool. Very cool actually and I have an excellent relationship with them. I am not talking of those types. I am talking of those who ditch both singlehood and their single friends. If truth be told, a lot of ladies get married and part ways with their single friends be it consciously or unconsciously causing estrangement, strife and rivalry.

A few years ago I was at a friend’s bridal shower where another of our married friend openly advised the bride-to-be to “learn to surround yourself with married friends and do not let in distractions. You won’t need that in your marriage….”. In other words,  “BEWARE OF ANY SINGLE FRIEND! THEY ARE DISTRACTIONS!”  I remember clearly the uncomfortable laughter from those present (90% of us there were single for crying out loud!) and cringing at that statement and thinking “Hey, it’s not like single ladies go around looking for marriages to crash!” It cannot be that bad. LOL. However, it seemed our dear friend took that advice hook line and sinker and went MIA for a long time. At first I assumed she was still trying to adjust to a new home and routine. When weeks turned to long months accompanied with constant “sorry I am busy…” stories to our suggestions to have an all-girl-day-out, I had to finally admit to myself that we (her single friends) were no longer in her clique. She was probably busy making new married friends like she was advised to do.

The question here is SHOULD A MARRIED WOMAN STILL MAINTAIN CLOSE FRIENSHIP WITH HER SINGLE FRIENDS OR LEAVE THEM IN HER PAST once she says “I-DO” ?

Some married ladies who are guilty of this behaviour might give the following reasons:

• They are trying to protect their husband and marriage by keeping their single friends away;
• Their interests are no longer mutual;
• They are busy, not easy caring for a husband, kids and chores too;
• Their husbands might not approve of these friends. etc

 

Well, while they might be valid points I strongly believe that it should be an individual thing not something that should be done simply because it is the norm. Variety should be the key. No one should be “dropped” simply because she is still single. You should know your friends. Not every single friend is jealous of you or has plans to snatch your husband from you. How come they were not jealous when they helped plan your wedding, bought asoebi or bridesmaids’ wear or helped serve your guests at your wedding?

I must emphasise at this point again that what works for Mrs A might not work for Mrs B.  Therefore, it is very important to understand the kind of husband and friends you have. If you feel your husband might be tempted to go after a certain friend, then by all means protect your marriage by keeping that friend from within eye-range of your man but keep her in your life! My dear it is called balancing and maturity.  Do not assume or make every single friend in your life a monster. It is never that serious.

I will also be fair in saying that the married ones are not the only ones guilty here. A lot of single ladies distance or isolate themselves once their friends get hitched. This does not make sense especially if that married friend is the type open to maintaining the friendship. Besides, there is always a lot to learn from people’s marital experiences. (If they share them)

Any true good friend should continue to be part of your life whether married or single. So what if that single friend never marries? You ditch her forever?   What if you divorce tomorrow and become single again? Little prejudice if you ask me.

Your single friend can still be a good friend, listen to your marriage problems, the interesting happenings and still offer a good advice where necessary. I do not believe that I need a rock on my finger to be able to listen objectively and give a reasonable opinion to my married friends when it is called for.

HOW TO GET & KEEP A MAN IN THE 21st CENTURY by Adesuwa Iluobe

These days Ladies are bemoaning how difficult it is to hook a man. If you keep falling short, change the approach!! Below, I have given some tips to help make your search easier. These tips have been well researched and there is no failing with them. Just read and thank me later ladies.

• BE PHONY

Very important. Being yourself is bad market these days, doing so just increases your lonely days. Be phony in every aspect – talk like an American even if you have never crossed calabar before, dress up like Kim K, be like you can’t speak your language, lie about where you live if you have to. If you perceive he prefers younger women and you are above 24, you may want to reduce your age sister. Quote me. Infact, apply this tip to every area of your life, these men you see around would love you!

• DO NOT WAIT FOR MARRIAGE. BEGIN YOUR WIFELY DUTIES AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

Yes, you should ensure he is eating well, wearing clean clothes, has his lunch packed when he is off to work, ensure his house is clean. For clarity’s sake, this entails cooking for him, cleaning his house (you should pay attention to the bathroom, this is how you know a clean woman), wash his clothes, you should ensure his house is well stocked with food. These days, eating healthy is the real deal so every weekend be sure to be at the market in order to make this happen for him. Which ever way you want to make sure your wifely duties are done, please do so and do not be scare of improvising, use your funds if you have to. Love is a battle field, so do not leave anything to chance! This is worth sneaking off your Parents’ house to do, you do not want another woman doing this for him. After all, he is the future. The only future.

• HAVE SEX WITH HIM REGULARLY

I know this should have come under the preceding tip, but I secluded it to clearly emphasize how important this tip is. I do not want to risk you not seeing this tip, who knows? You could just not see it in the list of wifely duties above. Do not let these tales of abstinence or how harmful abortions and pills are to your health deter you. If you do not give him, someone else will. Be wise my lovelies.

• DO NOT ENCOURAGE HIM TO BE BETTER AT ANYTHING –

Do not take this tip lightly. A man who has a 9 to 5 job or no job at all but is content with getting broke before end of the month or hoping a job would come because he bagged a 2.1 or 1st class, or he is too big for a low paying job even if he doesn’t know what a memo is…familiar? Please girl just sit by his side, rub his back and be mute. Share in his laid-back dreams and you will be just fine. You should not be caught telling him to learn a handiwork or think entrepreneurship, that’s plain old disrespectful! Are you now telling him what to do? Or that he ain’t smart enough? No girl, just hold your side. He would figure it out somehow and when his rent is due please be nice to give him your savings.

• ENSURE HE KNOWS YOUR EVERY MOVE –

You just woke up? He has to know. You just ate, he has to know. You just got to work, he has to bloody know. You are with friends, you better let him speak to all of them that’s how you breed trust. You saw a gecko behind your window, he just has to know. Whether he can hurt a fly or not, that ain’t your biz. He simply has to know. That’s the rule and you must NOT demand same. This has been tried and tested, his love for you largely depends on this tip! I am telling you girl!

• HE MUST MAKE ALL DECISIONS FOR YOU

From your first date, he should decide what you should eat. To work or not to work? he should decide that. Whether to make a short gown or a long one? that is not your decision to make after all, all you are is his. Do you need pink shoes? Seek his opinion. Should you go for that party? He is in the best position to know. By all means, he is your decider! Men thrive when you are most dependent, Ladies should not take this power from them. This makes him love you better and there is no better way to show you trust him to be a man.

• ABANDON YOUR FRIENDS

You do not need friends when you are in a relationship or married. You really do not. Being with a man is so much work, you cannot afford to be distracted. If it doesn’t work out, your friends are there for you, they ain’t going no where girl. Focus.

• DO NOT BUY HIM GIFTS OR SPRING ANY MUSHY SURPRISES

This is the deal breaker Babes. Do not do this. Gift buying, surprises, those little things that show you care…those ain’t for you girl. The wifely duties would fill this need. It is a recipe for him to start feeling over loved and he would definitely start misbehaving and who is the recipient of all that shit? You of course.

To Be Continued.

P.S. Your tips are welcome and If you do not agree with the tips above then you are on the right path. For men who make erroneous demands, I can only pray that Ladies get wiser. Ciao!

 

 

PLANES: THE BEST PLACE TO MEET YOUR MAN? by Ella Enweonwu

 

You know how Bella Naija gives us stories of how a guy meets a babe on a flight to Dubai, Paris, or one other exotic destination which makes you salivate? Oh well, they make me dream too! Sometimes I wonder if it is all true.   Abeg it’s too cute joor! (or I am just beefing?) I guess I am a non-believer because I fly and I don’t meet such men or maybe the problem is that I don’t fly to exotic places. Lol! Even in my “unbelieving” state I still find me wishing it could happen to me.  So that I can have a cute romantic “how-we-met” story to tell.

So I am travelling again this morning and my flight is at 6am. This means that I have to be at the airport by 4:30am at the latest. It is too early to bother with makeup abi? No, the vain side of me won’t let me. I could literally hear my cousin’s voice in my head “Always look sharp o! You never know where you will meet Adam.” Adam being the general term for ‘future bae’.

2:15am

I woke up this early just so I can have my foundation, brows and contouring done in time before my taxi comes. Yes, it all takes time especially the brows. I am an authority on this, as a makeup artist of course!

5:02am

Check-in complete. I move over to the departure lounge and choose a discreet seat. From my position, I scan the area for any potential ‘Adam’. Please do not judge me yet. The makeup cannot waste na.

6:00am

First leg of the journey (to Germany) and I am paired with a couple with the lady sitting in between her man and myself like a wedge; constantly leaning on his shoulder as if to make fun of my intentions. Suffice it to say that it was a painful annoying 1 hour 20mins flight. You will be right if you say I was jealous.

10:00am

I quickly go to the ladies’ to touch up my makeup (that didn’t need touching up considering its below zero degrees), take a quick selfie and return back to the departure lounge waiting for the final leg of my journey which I hope will be “fruitful”. I scan the lounge again. Which of these men will it be? Roving eyes activated.

Finally we board again. The aircraft is literally empty and it made me wonder if people are afraid of going to Nigeria at this time because of the coming election. Anyway, lo and behold! I am paired with this not-bad-looking dude! all to myself! Yay! Ah, my hard work and effort finally paid off I thought, smiling inwardly.

Naturally, when an aircraft isn’t full to capacity, passengers are allowed to seat on any free seat to get enough room for themselves. The air hostess announced this but of course I am not moving. So I will miss my chance at happiness? Nah. Did I mention that this bloke is white?  If you are close to me, you will know that having a mixed race baby is something on my bucket list. So this has to be my shot at it.

He doesn’t say a word. In fact, as soon as we are settled in, he closes his eyes as though he were sleeping but I know well enough that he is not.  Calm down I tell myself. Once we take off he will start a conversation in which he will tell me how he loves Africa (the name given to every country of the black continent) and how interesting he thinks I am after I dazzle him with stories of my amazing life.

Deep breathe!

Take off… Eyes still closed. Not a word. Nothing.  Isn’t it guys who start these sort of conversations? Should I nudge him and start the talk?  Won’t it look “somehow”? I am still musing over all this when our meal comes. Ok now he’s “awake”. Am certain he will start talking while we are eating. We can always begin with the taste of the food or the hardness of the bread. He finishes his meal quickly. I take my time, both of us eating in silence.

As soon as my tray is taken away, dude signals (no words o!) with his hands that he wants to come out. Oh, by the way, he is by the window while I am by the aisle. Probably he needs to use the toilet I say to myself. I give him the most charming smile before stepping aside for him, but no! He doesn’t go to the toilet. He moves over to the next empty row as if to say “Since you won’t move, I will move!”  His new seat now is well within my eye range and I literally throw him daggers with my eyes.

On a second thought, I bring out my compact mirror to check on my makeup just in case it has run all over my face and made me look like a witch.  I used a primer and my new oil free Lancôme foundation so everything is still intact and I still look great.

Sigh…

It is definitely not me, it is him who has the problem I say to myself in consolation. It is also the fault of Bella Naija for making some us think that love is always found on planes.

 

Mtchew!

PROFESSIONAL SIDE CHIC? by Ella Enweonwu

How can a guy who obviously has a girlfriend who he constantly displays on every available social media platform claim to love and want me?
Yes I am really upset today o. I am upset because I get this sort of drama not from one or two men. A lot of men seem to think that because a lady is single, as in no-boyfriend-kind-of single, she can be told crap! Hellooo?? No one is a child here you know. At first I considered it funny but I don’t see it that way anymore.
Married men are not exempted, in fact, they are the worst culprits. Please don’t give me the “you know they are just being men” bullshit because I already threw that out the window. I knew some of these men before they got married and all of a sudden, after making their choice, they find me interesting. As what? A side lay? Oh please!
I feel it is an insult to my entire being and my intelligence. You don’t flaunt your girlfriend or wife in my face and still have the nerve to talk to me about “wishing you were here with me”. It is simply cock and bull nonsense!
To be honest I cannot decide which is more annoying and insulting of these two scenarios below:
The ex-boyfriend who was against my losing weight because “I like you this way and cannot imagine me being with anyone slimmer…” but currently engaged to a lady who is skinny personified. He still invites me to visit him and never fails to use every opportunity to tell me he wants to be with me. OR the married one (who I knew long before he got married) who keeps telling me that “you are the best thing that ever happened to me” and wants us to work out how we can be together. Err… when you are still with your wife or in another life? Seriously guys, who do y’all think you are fooling?
Speaking with some ladies over time, I discovered that I am not the only one in this situation. A woman is naturally moved by what she hears and a weak woman doesn’t need to hear much before she is carried away and falls for such men.
I have spent time reading books including the bible, listening to so many talks and I know I want better for myself. I definitely wasn’t born to be a professional side chic to any irresponsible man. I now realise that I am worth more than the price tag I have placed on myself.

So I made up my mind to work. I lost some weight (I am still on that journey and will write about my progress and challenges sometime), began to see myself with a fresh pair of eyes, love myself, built my confidence level and now I am reassured that I am too good for certain things and certain people. Out with the garbage!
I am still a work in progress but I can confidently tell any lady that it doesn’t pay to give yourself out cheap to any man especially those of them that think you are always available to be toyed with all in the name of love. Such men I realise can never give you what you want. You only end up with a damaged confidence, a broken heart and a bitter spirit.
Love doesn’t hurt. Love doesn’t make you feel dirty, small or cheap. Love doesn’t make you feel cheated. Love doesn’t make you feel inadequate. Love doesn’t make you feel like a second-class citizen or an option in another person’s life. NO. Any sort of emotion that makes you feel any of these is not love. Rise above that. Take a stand and place a huge price tag on your person and you will gain more respect.
Some of us constantly put down ourselves for men to trample on just because the society has declared that “age is not on your side” please stop. Honey, the man that will love and respect your regardless of your age will come but, how will he find you if are too busy with the kind of man you shouldn’t be with? This was the question I asked myself and I came to the conclusion that it is best for my man to find me with my head held up high than on the floor feeling insecure and miserable while nursing a heart ache I could have avoided.
I am at the stage where I am discovering and loving myself and it is an awesome experience! This is the most important aspect that will help you raise your self-worth. To help you love yourself two things are necessary:

• Begin to see yourself through the eyes of God. He is love and only from him can we learn the art of loving because every of our being was crafted in His love. When you understand the plans of God for you, it will help you form a better impression of who you really are.
• Learn to keep the exes where they ought to be ———> over there! I figured that one major mistake I made and which other ladies have concurred with as well, is trying to keep a friendly/cordial relationship with these men. With time I have understood that it is not necessary especially if you cannot handle it. Come to think of it, why should you be friendly with anyone whose presence in your life doesn’t add any value to you? By being friendly, you are simply watering that relationship and leaving a window open for a repetition of the same situation you are avoiding. Therefore, if cutting off such people completely will help your sanity, do it.

Always remember, in this journey what is most important is YOU, YOU AND YOU. Your happiness and well-being of your mind should be paramount. You are beautiful, amazing and too good to be “used” by just any man!

 

 

RHESUS FACTOR: HOW IT CAN AFFECT YOUR PREGNANCY

RHESUS FACTOR: HOW IT CAN AFFECT YOUR PREGNANCY, YOUR MARRIAGE

 According to American pregnancy.org, the Rh factor is a type of protein on the surface of red blood cells. Most people who have the Rh factor are Rh-positive. Those who do not have the Rh factor are Rh-negative.

Rhesus (Rh) factor is an inherited trait that refers to a specific protein found on the surface of red blood cells. If your blood has the protein, you’re Rh positive — the most common Rh factor.If your blood lacks the protein, you’re Rh negative http://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/rh-factor/basics/why-its-done/prc-20013476

Although Rh factor doesn’t affect your health, it can affect pregnancy. Your pregnancy needs special care if you’re Rh negative and your baby’s father is Rh positive.

If you’re pregnant, your health care provider will recommend an Rh factor test during your first prenatal visit. The Rh factor test is a basic blood test that indicates whether you’re Rh positive or Rh negative The Rh factor test is done during pregnancy to identify a woman’s Rh factor. In some cases, the baby’s father might need an Rh factor test, too.

During pregnancy — or, more likely, during delivery — a small amount of your baby’s blood could come in contact with your blood. If you’re Rh positive, Rh incompatibility isn’t a concern. If you’re Rh negative and your baby is Rh positive, however, your body might produce Rh antibodies after exposure to the baby’s red blood cells.

Typically, the antibodies aren’t a problem during the first pregnancy. The concern is with a subsequent pregnancy with an Rh positive baby. In this case, your existing Rh antibodies might cross the placenta and fight the baby’s red blood cells. This could lead to life-threatening anemia — a lack of healthy red blood cells — for the Rh positive baby.

If you’re Rh negative, you might need to have another blood test — an antibody screen — during your first trimester and again during week 28 of pregnancy. The antibody screen is used to detect antibodies to Rh positive blood.

If you haven’t started to produce Rh antibodies, you’ll need an injection of a blood product called Rh immune globulin. The immune globulin prevents your body from producing Rh antibodies during your pregnancy.

If your baby is born Rh negative, no additional treatment is needed.

If your baby is born Rh positive, you’ll need another injection shortly after delivery. You’ll likely need injections during any subsequent pregnancies and after the delivery of each Rh positive baby as well (mayoclinic.org).

If you’re Rh negative, you’ll also need an Rh immune globulin injection after any situation in which your blood could come into contact with Rh positive blood, including:

• Miscarriage
• Abortion
• Ectopic pregnancy — when a fertilized eggs implants somewhere outside the uterus, usually in a fallopian tube
• Molar pregnancy — a noncancerous (benign) tumor that develops in the uterus
• Amniocentesis — a prenatal test in which a sample of the fluid that surrounds and protects a baby in the uterus (amniotic fluid) is removed for testing or treatment
• Chorionic villus sampling — a prenatal test in which a sample of the wispy projections that make up most of the placenta (chorionic villi) is removed for testing
• Bleeding during pregnancy
• Blunt trauma to the abdomen during pregnancy
• Rotation of a baby in a breech position — such as buttocks first — before labor

If the antibody screen shows that you’re already producing antibodies, an injection of Rh immune globulin won’t help. Your baby will be carefully monitored. If necessary, he or she might be given a blood transfusion through the umbilical cord during pregnancy or immediately after delivery. (mayoclinic.org).

 

Mother’s Rh factor	Father’s Rh factor	Baby’s Rh factor	Precautions
Rh positive	Rh positive	Rh positive	None
Rh negative	Rh negative	Rh negative	None
Rh positive	Rh negative	Could be Rh positive or Rh negative	None
Rh negative	Rh positive	Could be Rh positive or Rh negative	Rh immune globulin injections

An Rh factor test is a basic blood test. The blood sample is usually taken in a health care provider’s office — typically during the first prenatal visit — and sent to a lab for analysis.

No special preparation is necessary.

(Over 90% of the Information give above is from mayoclinic.org a Not for Profit organization )

 

 

TuBeS by Adesuwa Iluobe

If you missed episode one of ‘legal junkie’ click here

“What are you doing on valentine’s day?”

Anybody who asks me that question again is entitled to a slap straight! Like they gave me a boyfriend or fiancee to hold in confidence? See me see wahala o?

My mother called me this morning and after chiding me for not keeping in touch, even though I had called her a day before yesterday, she asked “how are you planning for valentine’s day?” I simply laughed it off and mumbled something I can’t even remember.

Then I walked into the office today and met Soji at the reception, “Hey!!! Ese mi, what’s for val’s now? It’s tomorrow o!”

“Who is your Ese?” I snapped and playfully pushed him out of my way

“Incase ‘he’ is telling you val’s day blues,I am free oh!” he laughed, grabbing my hands. If only there is a he.

“Leave me joor, I have a client coming in soon and I can’t remember what alimony is” he released me and laughed as I walked away “alimony is valentine!” he called after me.

I settled into my chair and took a deep breathe, it’s been 3 years since I had cause to celebrate val’s day and even now I foresee a crappy lonely valentine’s day. Okay scratch 3 years and make that ‘never’. I mused over that thought, while I prepared for my first client’s session.

Promptly at 11am I went to one of the conference rooms where I had been scheduled to conduct clients’ sessions today and waited.

Soon a beautiful couple walked in, Aww no! Don’t tell me am gon tear you two apart?! I pasted a smile on my face and welcomed them. “Good morning Mr and Mrs Olateju, you are welcome. I am Barrister Ese…” I caught the ‘Mr’ scowling. I could not recall their first names, oh well when it gets too tough, I shall check the file again, for now I am not in the mood.

“Thank you” Mrs said smiling back.

We sat down, and when it seemed like we were going to be on mute-mode for days, I said “you called for this meeting…”

Mr cut me off “Yes we did! We want to annul our marriage” oh so you would talk and you let me start?

“Why?” I asked. Mrs looked forlorn and helpless now, I almost reached over to pat her hand, it was shaking.

“This woman here, failed to tell me about the series of abortions she has had before catching me in this net called marriage! Only to be rudely shocked after 4 years! That her tubes are blocked! ”

“Gbemi! Abortions? The doctor only said my tubes are blocked! How does that translate to abortions?”

Wait I thought he said “we want to annul”? Or ‘he’ wants to annul? Doesn’t sound like there is an agreement to annul.

“Why else would your tubes be blocked?” he eyed her. To hear someone wallow in ignorance is annoying, much so from a delicious looking dude.

“Mr Olateju, please calm down” I patted his arm lightly. This is where you pinch him.

He shrugged and sat back.

“I am not a doctor but making unfounded conclusions would not move us forward. There are many other reasons why a woman’s tubes could get blocked…” I was quickly reading from my iPad. Who says Google isn’t your friend? It’s a rule not to take sides, but I have refused to help myself. Last time a man called me a feminist. I asked him “who is a feminist?” he said “one who supports women over men”. I sized him up and felt pity for him. “Putting it simply, A feminist is one who feels men and women are equal. Check your dictionary”. Even though the dictionary says that ‘feminism is the advocacy of women’s rights on the grounds of political, social and economic equality to men’, but that story would be too long for this man. His eyes grew big. I went on to lecture him. Men and women are not equal in my opinion (though we can argue that they are in political and economic sense),even the Bible says so. But men must not be stuck-on immature, unreasonable and mean to women because of that. That is my stand. Mr here, is being immature, unreasonable and mean.

“Like?” Mr was clearly irritated. He had that look that said “are you a doctor now?”

The things we do to ensure peaceful sessions, studying medicine would have been spot-on, with the issues that come out during sessions as these -– ranging from STDs, AIDS, cancer to abortions. “I see here that there is a condition called endometriosis, the summary of it is that tissues shed during a woman’s menstrual cycle can find its way into the tubes and block it…” medicine is not for me.

I also learnt in Biology class at secondary school about Rhesus Factor. Rhesus (Rh) factor is an inherited trait that refers to a specific protein found on the surface of red blood cells. If your blood has the protein, you’re Rh positive — the most common Rh factor. If your blood lacks the protein, you’re Rh negative. Although Rh factor doesn’t affect your health, it can affect pregnancy. Your pregnancy needs special care if you’re Rh negative and your baby’s father is Rh positive. This is a major reason for the many miscarriages some women experience.

Anyway, need I say that Nigeria’s educational system is almost dead? And these days, those who got good education choose when to be educated. Sentimental ignoramuses (I know there is no word like this. LOL!). I thought about talking about Rh Factor but decided against it. Ron has warned me about assuming the position of a doctor or engineer or housewife during clients’ sessions.

“Please tell him” ‘Mrs’ cried. “I have had 3 miscarriages now, 3! He has refused to sleep with me. I have to beg my husband to sleep with me can you imagine that? Follow me to the hospital for tests he won’t! The only time he does so, he has hinged on “tubes” Talking about abortions, the only abortion I have ever had is the one I had for him!” the hairs on my skin stood. Earplugs needed!

“One foetus cannot block one’s tubes!” he retorted

“Gbemi!” ‘Mrs’ was shocked

“Whatever!” he said flippantly “her womb does not have capacity to carry my children. Another woman has proven this and I am now a father” ta da! He is a cheating frog!

What ever happened to for better for worse? In blocked tubes and in open tubes?

What followed happened very fast, the session ended. ‘Mrs’ fainted and ‘Mr’ walked out. It’s official I have the best clients’ sessions in Tristan. How I love my job.

Wait..what happens to valentine’s day tomorrow? Can’t these all wait till after valentine? How will it sound to people? “My marriage crashed on February 13th, a day to valentine..”

It’s one thing to be single without attachments (boyfriend, fiancee, friend with benefits etc.) and know you are alone, then it’s another to be married and still be alone. The latter is worse.

Now that it appears that they have agreed to annul, let the process begin.

 

N.B Rhesus Factor has been a lifelong issue. While preparing for marriage, Rh Factor tests is one of the many tests a couple should take to test the compatibility of their Rh Factors. Please click here to learn ways to deal with incompatible Rh factor. Thanks for reading!

OF SEX & SLIME

OF SEX AND SLIME

By Adesuwa Iluobe

I was about to become a fish, an iced fish for that matter. Only fishes can survive in this air-conditioner-aided a/c aided cold. I looked up from my PC and stared at the air-conditioner vent a/c hanging on the wall. For yikes sakes I can hardly feel my fingers, so much for a central cooling system. I dialed operations.

“Hey Soji, its either you switch off this central A/c or you turn it down a notch, because I am about to get frozen!” and my knees are killing me! It’s been a year since I have been diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis and I immediately rebuked it.

“Boss is around. You know how she likes it, she wants to feel like its winter in Nigeria” He laughed

“But we are in Nigeria! The north for that matter!” I put the handset down and rubbed my arms. There is no justice in the world. The phone rang again, I could see that it was from the Secretary, but I felt too numb to answer the call, I am frozen. It rang again.

“Ese” I spoke into the handset announcing my name, while massaging my knees

“A lady wants to see you”

“A lady?” I peered at my schedule and reconfirmed I had no appointment with a ‘lady’. I work with Tristan&Co. It’s a law firm owned by an American- Nigerian who saw the fast growing business opportunity in Legal consultancy and Family Law that many Legal practitioners were yet to discover, and hinged on it. The Law firm runs like a hospital, we have sessions with Clients from 11am-2pm and then settle down to real work till some time after 7pm, employers especially in Nigeria know how to make your job become your life. I happen to major in Family law, something about dissolving marriages catches my fancy. Just to clear the air, there is nothing about ‘familyhood’ in this area of law. It should have been called “Marriage Dissolution Law’.

“She is not on my list, you should pass it through Ron. He handles appointment schedules, you know how it works”. I said dismissively.

“She says it’s not official and is making a scene here!”

“What’s her name?” this should have been my first question.

“Julia Korede”

“Oh?” Julia is here? I liked to call her ‘Jules,’ what’s Jules doing here, I checked my watch and saw I could lay claims on my break hour now. “Let her come in”. I can imagine the drama she must have been acting, Jules is a drama queen. Jules is coming, gather your wits. I grinned and set about arranging my table but it was of no use.

”Ese!” She shrieked as she burst into my office and left the door open of course. I smiled, got up and shut it.

“Your office is cute!” She swirled around. She looked stunning. Who says money is evil? She had on a monochrome midi gown and killer pumps, I could swear they were Jimmy Choo’s, funny how I have a fetish for Choo and am yet to own one! She was all dolled up with fabulous make up and her hair was either Peruvian or Brazilian, whichever it was beautiful, compared to my kinky braids.

She eyed my table “ you are very busy I see!”.

I nodded and gestured to a seat facing my table “Jules it’s nice to see you! You just took off into thin air after your wedding!”

“You look strung” she observed

“I am cold” I gritted my teeth

“Oh! If you go to the UK during winter nkor? Oya start practising” She laughed it off

Shallow Jules, as always. Part of the reasons why she could not be a close friend. Jules to me is an acquaintance who thinks I am her friend, which is not bad as we all have rights to make our assumptions. Soon we were both sitting facing each other, while I hoped nothing was wrong because this setting felt awkward. She had stopped smiling and was looking serious all of a sudden.

“Okay?” let this be good.

“I want to find a way to leave my marriage” My eyes grew big, this is what I needed to feel – the warmth that now crept up my insides.

“errr…” “I know it’s just been three months” She stood up and walked to the cabinet at the left angle of the room and stopped in front of it.

Jules’ wedding was a typical Bella Naija wedding. She hit it big and married the son of a multi-billionaire politician. She flew I and 49 others to Dubai, one of the best times of my entire life. The best part was that it was all expense paid. You know when they say “you have just caught a big fish?” right, Jules did not just catch a good looking big fish, she had him by his balls or so it appeared.

“Why?” I was still surprised. I have helped facilitate the dissolution of a two-week old marriage, but now that this involved someone I knew, three months now felt gross. She did not answer my question. I looked at her closely and saw that she had tears in her eyes.

“Jules?” I walked to where she was and put my arm around her shoulders.

“The sex is bad. That is the summary of the whole situation” She muttered. She shrugged off my arm, left me at the cabinet and went to sit down again. “When he touches me, it feels like slime! God! Yes I knew intimacy was lacking when we dated but I was so sure it would get better in marriage” She spoke clearly now.

“I am so sorry Jules” I cannot imagine living through singlehood with the fact that even as much as kissing a man was sin, then I get married and the sex is slime? That is sacrilege. “There should be a way you both can work this out”. There was no legal cause for divorce here, plus the marriage is under 2 years. Tough. Bad market.

“My mind is made up. If I continue like this…infact I cannot continue like this” She shook her head and continued “then he smokes weed every time, so I cannot enjoy a simple kiss because his breath always has this foul stench and we have fought about this a zillion times in three months. I am tired!”

So she practically lived with a ganja bred, who is probably always high. That’s the icing on the cake. Okay! We can fashion out a legal cause here “My Lord her husband is always on ganja and we fear he would soon take out his incessant ‘highness’ on her. This could even lead to the end of her life!” I rehearsed my pitch to the Judge in my head.

“Jules but you knew all this before you married him…so why did you?” I blurted out and caught myself. Jules spent the next forty five minutes talking about how slimey sex was in her marriage. She said communication was an issue between them and when he wants to get down, he breezes past foreplay and into her vagina. I made a wish for earplugs, but then I needed them long ago. It’s a necessity for this sort of job. I explained to her the 2 two-year rule, but she seemed quite determined. So, I let her know I could not handle it because of our ‘relationship’ even though we have a crappy relationship, I just needed a way of avoiding Jules’ wahala, and referred her to Ron. Ron is short for Ronald, He is the head of legal affairs. She could well afford the Legal fees, and she was looking forward to an amicable settlement. She deserves it after those slimey sex bouts or did she?

Later as I had my dinner, I mused over our meeting and was more amused than sorry. Jules was getting a divorce because the sex wasis bad. This is one of those days I feel single and proud, gives me enough time to feel over the moon before I go for another wedding and feel depressed again.

N.B. Of Sex&Slime is one of the many episodes of legal junkie, a section of this blog. You get to enjoy the drama and issues around Family Law in this section. Please keep following, you wont be disappointed. Thank you.